I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
