the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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