Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
