Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
