I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize