my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
