Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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