Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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