hotel room ftw
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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