Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i believe in u and ur pee
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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