Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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