I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
