I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
