you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
not ubering you a puppy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
