if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
