If i come over, it means nothing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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