i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
