he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
