Will you blow on my dice?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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