Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
