i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize