and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
