please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
