after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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