she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
