Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
