did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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