Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just threw up on my dentist
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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