We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
