dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
