This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
