i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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