You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
