Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
