"it" just moved
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
