Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
