Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
