Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
