I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
