I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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