i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
