i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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