I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
