yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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