Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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