Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
