Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only you would photoshop your dick
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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