the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
