Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
