The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
