I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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