you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
