yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
