I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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