do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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