You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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