I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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