yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
