my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
