Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
