guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
