this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
