Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
