pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
