So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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