I'm passing your future prison.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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