and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
