Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
