Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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